a whole new me

Copycatting from Holly…here is a whole post of me, me, me! A retrospective of 2011…

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? I was a pallbearer. I wrote an entire newspaper column apology for being myself. I enjoyed exercise.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I’m done with resolve.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My cousin’s wife! Horray! Breaking the family baby drought after 8 long years.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Oh, just my fucking Dad, and my ever-loving Grandad, that’s all. Plus two of Eric’s friends.  Not saying anything to tempt the reaper to really make an impact.

5. What places did you visit? Drove down to North Carolina in a fog of griefy anger, so missed out on that scenery — all images of gorgeous gator swamps and Atlantic vistas carry the taint of shocky death tears. Also went to Tobermory (not for a funeral) and had fun.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Boredom.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 23rd, because my Dad died suddenly. Also February 14, because my husband was a good date.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? An A in Research Methods. Which was the hardest mark I’ve ever earned, and I think it qualifies me to analyze any and all trends with vigour and slightly correct results. And I successfully grew out my bangs. Also, a bunch of personal growth achievements which sound like bullshit, and provokes violent slapping hand.

9. What was your biggest failure? Trying to merge parenting with a full grad school course load. We didn’t have as much fun as planned with my Only Summer Off As An Adult Ever. Also the roosters got into my head, and now I’m afraid of the coop.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Lurking shadowy night terrors that paralyzed me totally (including the ability to breathe) made me suffer, and anyone in my bed by proxy. After a brief flirtation with paranormal theories, it was determined that the night terrors are just manifestations of stress — not my league of deadies reaching through the veil to chat. Mollified by science and Web MD, the night terrors went away.

11. What was the best thing you bought? An adult bra. As opposed to the junior ones I’ve been jocking from the Walmart teen section. As 40 approaches, it was time to give up useless foundation garments and start making use of the tools of the trade.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Eric. Steadfast, wizard-pant wearing husband who helped me transition into adulthood.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? When people drop dead, other people give shocking and appalling performances. I have a list of appalling people, topped with a disgustingly rich widower.

14. Where did most of your money go? Equal parts tuition and Abby’s braces.

15. What did you get really, really excited about? Hiking, cross-country skiing, swimming with goggles and google docs.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

17. Compared to this time last year are you happier or sadder? Happier. Thinner or fatter? Same, (likely meaning fatter). Richer or poorer? Poorer…but not for long! I swear it!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Swimming underwater with goggles.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Moaning and kvetching and losing my temper. And, a few less bags of Doritos would have nailed the thinner in question 17.

20. How did you spend Christmas last year? I can’t remember, but I think it was hiding from Lazlo.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? Yes. Don’t puke, but yes, with my husband.

22. What was your favourite TV program? Mad Men. Don Draper is a salve.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2011? Hung out with my family and ate cake.

24. What was the best book you read? 11-22-63 by Stephen King. I forced my sick uncle to read it so I could chat with someone about time travel and JFK. Also, learned something from my aunt: in Canada we would say 22-10-63, which you might not care about, but imagine the fuss if it was called 11-9-01? Canadians do not like flow.

25. What did you want and get? Friends.

26. What did you want and not get? An inheritance.

27. What was your favourite film of this year? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 2, which was a point of pride — the only HP since #2 that I stayed awake throughout the entire movie. Plus, it was great to see HWSNBN get the wand.

28. Did you make some new friends this year? Hell no. Just able to keep the ones I already made.

29. What one thing would have made  your year immeasurably more satisfying? A working vacuum and a dog diapering system.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Kurt Cobain with a fat ass.

31. What kept you sane? Solitude in nature.

32. Which celebrity did you fancy the most? Russell Brand. Who I now think is gross, being that he is single and wanton. Ew. Disgusting.

32. What political issue stirred you the most? The Arab Spring. I was supercharged and blew my data allowance updating tweets from Tahrir Square. Also, the war against libraries got me mad in the summer. And, I’m perpetually all WTF about the Harper government.

33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Grief is the new currency, and people are competitive and showy about how much they have. Also, learned other things: It is quite possible that someone who broke your heart will die without every un-breaking your heart, leaving you in a fugue of unfinished business. It is rather important to bolster yourself from within, and pay close attention and give active love to the people who love you well — you will need to stick a straw in their arms and suck life during the bleak times. Make sure you’ve padded them with lots of kindness first. The lesson is thus, shite fathers are shite regardless of their mortal status, but the loss of a shite father weighs a lot. Get prepared. Plus, I learned that you can swim with contact lenses as long as you have goggles on. And, Mrs. Amos, you certainly can have intercourse in a full bathtub without dying from internal water pressure. Also, learned that my bush camera has a big delay and won’t catch fast animals or Martha peeing on my rug.